Clint Eastwood
by DamnTheMan
Summary: Oh god. If your really bored and love twisted minds-this story is for you. It started as a joke in a pizza joint and now is devolping into what could be the greatest untold Harry Potter story now told. Enjoy
1. One

Harry woke up in a cold sweat. In the dark, he fumbled for his glasses and turned on his light. It was just a dream. A sweet, fantasy world of lust and love. And most of all, the dark lord Voldemort naked. It wasn't the first time Harry had dreamed fantasies with the Voldemort, caressing each others skin. It was a sin for him, to fantasize about the man who killed his parents, the man who gave him the scar that forever burned in his forehead. But he couldn't help it, there was something drawing him towards the hooded figure. He couldn't be attracted to him, no way. Harry looked at his clock. It was Four thirty A.M. School was starting today. Maybe he would be able to get away from these twisted erotic dreams.  
  
The summer had been a hard one. Dudley had just begun to explore his body and the bodies of plenty of young girls. They all swooned for him since he had lost 200 pounds and built himself up with the help of steroids and viagra. Seven girls were going to be having a baby of Dudleys. Mr. And Mrs. Dursley split after Mr. Dursley caught Mrs. Dursley in the middle of a hot gangbang with his boss, his boss's wife, and Paco, the Mexican boy wonder who sang songs and played four different instruments at the same time in front of the local market place. He also had another hidden talent. A huge dick that drove Mrs. Dursley crazy. Mr. Dursley divorced her and she ran off with Paco, leaving Mr. Dursley with two hormone enraged teenage boys.  
  
Harry stood and yawned. From the room next to him, Harry could hear Dudley and his current girlfriend Renee talking about her pregnancy. Harry laughed. He couldn't picture Dudley being a father, considering he would have eight kids. One girl, Tiffany, was having twins. Harry was deprived the privilege of having sex with girls. But that was fine with him. He acted hurt and mad and angry in front of Mr. Dursley, but truth was, Harry Potter knew he was gay since first year! Though he never came out.  
  
Imagine Harry Potter, probably one of the greatest wizards in the world, gay. It was impossible. Sure, everyone knew Helga Hufflepuff was bisexual, but still, she married and had children. It was like she was running around, having sex with men and women, never settling down. In the end, she made the right choice and legally got married. Harry knew he was gay the moment he saw Ron at platform 9 ¾. But Ron didn't swing that way. Ron was in love with Hermione. And everyone but her saw that. Deep down, Harry wondered if Hermione was really a lost troubled lesbian. Maybe, he began to think, they could join a gay pride club together and get to hold signs in the Christmas and Easter parade. But what if Hermione wasn't lesbian, just troubled perhaps?  
  
With a heavy heart, Harry began to pack all his clothes up. No longer would he be able to jerk off to gay porn in his room with privacy. Neville, however, never thought things through like Harry. The boy would pickup PLAYBOY, get an erection so fast he didn't know what to do besides masturbate! Harry and Ron walked in on him once, but he didn't care. He seemed to like an audience. When Neville saw them there he even gave Ron a hand job and talked in a girls voice so Ron could imagine someone else and Harry a lap dance. Though they never spoke of that night again, Harry still got a tiny turned on thinking about it.  
  
"Harry, your freaky friend will be here in an hour!" His Uncle Vernon yelled up to him. Harry sighed and closed his suitcase. That gave him enough time to shower and eat a quick bagel. He grabbed a towel from the hall closet and walked to the bathroom. He locked the door behind him and started the water. The dream was still in his mind. At one point, he and Voldemort were in the tub together, massaging each other's backs, laughing while blowing sweet love bubbles at each other. It was so wrong yet so right. Harry got under the warm running water and began to think about when he and Voldemort would cross paths again. Before he was too shy, too foolish to do anything about his lusts, but now he was a man, ready to give himself up to the dark lord for a night of pleasure.  
  
After what seemed like too good of a fantasy, the warm soothing water turned a violent heat that burned Harry's skin. He jumped out of the shower, nearly hitting his head on the toilet. Dudley flushed the downstairs toilet. Stupid prick couldn't wait at least ten more minutes . . .? Harry shrugged and began to dress. It was probably for the best though. He was deep in his fantasies about the dark lord. If the water didn't turn so scalding, he might have still been in the shower when Ron arrived. Harry exited the bathroom and headed for his room. He gathered the last of his things and forced Dudley to help him move all his trunks downstairs. It was the last year of Hogwarts. No more late night make-out parties with girls to cover his identity, no more wandering the halls with an erection, hoping Voldemort would pop out to confront him for not going to him sooner, no more Malfoy. Harry smiled. Malfoy. Another one of his partners in many a fantasy. Deep down, Harry thought Malfoy had a thing for him, but he couldn't. Malfoy was straight too, so it didn't even matter.  
  
The doorbell rang. Harry's heart fluttered. Ron was here. It was time to go back to Hogwarts. He felt a sudden rush of sadness though. He would miss hearing Dudley and his girlfriends talking dirty at night. They didn't know it, but Harry would listen and jerk off to them. Only, in his head, he was Dudley, and the mystery girl was Voldemort. Uncle Vernon answered the door to see Mrs. Weasley and Ron standing there smiling. Uncle Vernon's angry expression disappeared and he beamed.  
  
"Mrs. Weasley, its so nice to see you again, its been too long." Harry was shocked. Uncle Vernon remembered someone's named? Especially someone so un- important to him. Mrs. Weasley smiled and blushed.  
  
"Well, Ms. Weasley now. Arthur left me Tuesday," she said with a distant look in her eyes. Uncle Vernon moved closer to her.  
  
"I can't imagine why someone would leave a woman with your beauty, they must be messed up in the head to leave you!" Ms. Weasley batted away at Uncle Vernon.  
  
"Uhm, we are here to get Harry, mum, not to get hit on by his creepy uncle who is married, mind you!" Ron butted in. Uncle Vernon sneered at Ron.  
  
"For your information freckles, my wife left me a month ago with a Mexican wonder! So in your face you little punk, cause the minute you leave for school I'm gonna take your momma and I'm gonna tap that ass!" Ron looked horrified at Uncle Vernon, then at his smiling mom.  
  
"Its true, and knowing me I'll give in and you'll be having another sibling. Why Fred and George are only your half brothers you know!" Ron looked at his mom and shrugged.  
  
"Well that explains a lot!" Ms. Weasley, Ron, and Uncle Vernon laughed while Harry dragged his trunk.  
  
"Ready to go Harry?" Mrs. Weasley said, putting her hand on Uncle Vernon. He winked at her and whispered to come back later in her ear. She laughed, licked her lips and nodded. Ron went bright red.  
  
"I'll help you Harry," he said grabbing Hedwigs cage and a small trunk. They waited in the car for half an hour before Ron's mom came back, with a satisfied look. She seemed to be over Arthur. Harry looked out the window and thought about his dream, eventually falling back into his favorite fantasy-him, Voldemort, and Malfoy in one room, naked, touching each other . . . 


	2. Two

Ron was waking him from his dream. Harry groaned and shook his head to wake himself up a bit. It was too soon to be awakened. It was just getting good too. Harry and Voldemort had finished a steamy shower and Malfoy was getting ready to blow Harry when Ron started to push at his shoulder. It was too sweet a dream to forget. He stored it deep in his mind so he would never forget it.  
  
Hermione stood at the platform talking to Draco. He was very red and pushing his finger in her face. She covered her eyes and turned away. Harry ran over to greet Malfoy, without thinking about his trunks. The moment he arrived, Hermione's tears dried up and she stood straight.  
  
"What's going on here?" Harry asked, wanting to kick himself for that. Malfoy probably thought he was coming over to confront him about something. Harry just really wanted to reach out and run his hand down Malfoy's creamy pale skin, then kiss his pink tinged lips until they fell off.  
  
"None of you business Potter." Malfoy spat. Harry looked away and missed Draco mouth something to Hermione before he turned on his heel and headed for the train.  
  
"Come help me with my stuff," Harry said after Malfoy disappeared completely. Ron was already on the train and had found a compartment for them. Harry and Hermione loaded their things up and then joined Ron. Hermione stared out the window with a sad expression. Harry rested his head in his lap, thinking about how to tell his friends he was gay. He sighed and looked at the ground and tried to count all the specks of dirt.  
  
"Last year of school, eh?" Ron said trying to break the silence. Harry looked up and at Hermione, then Ron.  
  
"Guys, I have something REALLY big to tell you," he said, palms starting to sweat. Hermione's eyes widened and Ron turned to him.  
  
"What is it?" Hermione asked in a soothing voice, trying to get it out of him. Harry bit his lip.  
  
"Guys, I'm . . .well, I'm gay." He said. Ron's tense expression relaxed and Hermione went back to looking out her window. Harry sat dumbfounded. He just let out his biggest secret, and got zero reaction. What gave?  
  
"Is that all Harry? I thought it was something important," Hermione said, not looking back at him.  
  
"Yes, why are you two so cool with it?" he asked. He heard coming out was a big deal. It seemed as natural as telling the school nurse that you in fact did throw up that morning or telling a gym teacher his butt looked cute today.  
  
"Duh. We've known you were gay since first year. It's so obvious. Everyone knows," Ron said. Harry smiled.  
  
"Well THAT'S a relief." There was a knock at the compartment door and Hermione ran to it and thrust it open. It was Malfoy. Alone. He looked at Hermione and she looked back at her friends. Malfoy had a smile on his face and it seemed to cheer Hermione up. She whispered something in his ear and he left.  
  
"Be right back, some official Head Girl business." She said. Everyone knew that Hermione would be Head Girl, and shockingly, Draco was Head Boy. Hermione left the compartment and Harry and Ron sat silent. A minute after Hermione left they heard banging against the wall in the compartment next to them. Someone was screaming, OH YES DRACO! YES! FUCK ME YOUR MAJESTY! It was Hermione. Ron began to slip his hands down his pants then looked at Harry, pulling his hand back.  
  
"Sorry, it was just turning me on a bit . . ." Harry shrugged.  
  
"Knock yourself out. Watching you get off makes me get off, and I need to blow some steam," Harry said, also reaching into his pants. After twenty minutes, everyone was done and a satisfied Hermione came back to a satisfied Ron and a satisfied Harry. They all fell asleep moments later, and dreamed of their lovers. Harry snuggled up in the corner and thought about asking Hermione how good of a lay Malfoy was. He could always force sex onto him one evening, in the Head Boys quarters, and then place a strong memory charm on him. But how would that go over with Hermione? He thought about his plans and remembered it was going to be a year since he and Voldemort met up. By now it was so obvious that he would come back and try to destroy Harry yet again, but this time Harry was ready for him. Him and all his manliness.  
  
Everyone sat in the Great Hall, waiting the new first years to be sorted. After the sorting ceremony happened, the seventh years all sat together at the head of the table. The girls were talking about which guys had the biggest dicks and how many times they fucked guys from different houses. Harry tried to listen in to see what guys were the best, but Ron distracted him.  
  
"Guys! Harry finally publicly came out!" He said. All the guys clapped for him.  
  
"It's about time too Harry, if I had to watch you get an erection secretly over Malfoy and say it was from that Hufflepuff one more time I would have killed myself!" Dean said. Everyone nodded their heads in agreement. Harry shrugged. At least his friends were happy with him. Harry looked over at the staff table. Snape was staring at him with a different kind of look. Not his normal angry expression, but a relaxed, maybe happy, expression. Snape's eyes narrowed and he waved to him. Harry looked around and then back at Snape. He waved hi back and then looked away, feeling awkward.  
  
"So Harry, who is the lucky guy you're looking to get in the sack?" Seamus asked after a minute of silence. Harry looked at Draco, grinned, then back at the guys.  
  
"Well, I do think Malfoy would be a good lay," he said with a grin. Neville's head jerked and he looked at Harry.  
  
"You bitch! I wanted to fuck Malfoy!" he said. All the guys looked at him and their mouths dropped. Neville simply shrugged. "I'm bi," he said innocently and the other nodded. No wonder Neville would give the guys hand jobs willingly! At the staff table, Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledor were talking hunched over. Harry nudged Ron and pointed at them  
  
"What's up with them?" Harry asked. He had never seen such a look in McGonagalls eyes. Or such an expression on Dumbledors face. Ron looked over and shrugged.  
  
"Dunno. Maybe they are getting ready to fuck or something?" Ron said, and then made a face. It made him sick to think about those two doing it at their age. It was just plain wrong and it should never happen. Harry sighed and noticed the hall began to clear out.  
  
"Well I guess that's the feast," Harry said watching Malfoy across the room. Everyone but Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledor left. They sat at the staff table, laughing about when they went they killed Mr. Norris on Flinch one night when they were drunk and blamed it on Professor Snape.  
  
"That was the best thing ever," Professor McGonagall said, sipping more red wine. Professor Dumbledor nodded.  
  
"Indeed it was. I almost got you in the sack but you came to before I could." Professor McGonagall laughed and put her drink down.  
  
"Lets get out of here," she said, and then took Professor Dumbledors hand. It was good to be back at Hogwarts. 


End file.
